kamakura Japanese

Simply Haiku: An E-Journal of Haiku and Related Forms July-August 2004, vol. 2, no. 4
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	*The Kamakura Shrine One Verse Competition* - Japanese section**
	Poem One shinya niji (5) wareta garasu o (7) katazukete (5)
	the evening rain in reminiscence-- my back feels wet thinning watercolors with Perrier two in the morning I tidy up the bits of broken glass	the evening rain in reminiscence-- Kifu Futagami thinning watercolors Chiharu Fukunaga close of day the barrage of questions Minori Aoyama

	Judge's comments: This verse is interpreting why Perrier was used for thinning watercolors. This verse is touching uchikoshi taboo, which becomes clear when you place the first verse and the third next to each other--the poet indulging in the past memory could have been putting away the broken glass---both belonging to the past. This judge, however, selected this verse, because he wants to challenge this taboo; can't the flow of three verses which are about the same scene but from each different angle be effective in creating multi-layered poetic space? Whether this succeeds or not depends on each case, on each poem.
	Poem Two yo^ro^ no (5) taki ni tamurosu (7) pari yaro^ (5)
	the evening rain in reminiscence-- my back feels wet thinning watercolors with Perrier hanging out at The Fountain of Youth a guy just back from Paris	the evening rain in reminiscence-- Kifu Futagami thinning watercolors Chiharu Fukunaga close of day the barrage of questions Issei Ohtomo

	Named for the 'Falls of No Aging' situated in Gifu Province, 'Yoronotaki' is a popular chain of restaurant/bars
	Judge's comments: This verse is written in a link-method called 'sonohito-zuke', meaning the verse that explains who is doing the thinning act of the previous verse. Such a guy who dares to show-off that he has been living in Paris and is familiar with Perrier and such. Now he is comically hanging out in a Japanese bar with no French flavor.
	Poem Three jinko^no (5) tsuki o kakaete (7) kisya ni nori (5)
	the evening rain in reminiscence-- my back feels wet thinning watercolors with Perrier he boards the train paper moon tucked firmly under arm	the evening rain in reminiscence-- Kifu Futagami thinning watercolors Chiharu Fukunaga close of day the barrage of questions Tateho Kitayama

	Translators' comments: This verse moves the sequence forward from the perspective and place of 'self/indoor' to the 'public/outdoor' setting of the train scene. Both verses carry more than a hint of the unexpected.
	Poem Four amerika no (5) iraku kaiho^ (7) mamanaraze(5)
	the evening rain in reminiscence-- my back feels wet thinning watercolors with Perrier the American liberation of Iraq out of control	the evening rain in reminiscence-- Kifu Futagami thinning watercolors Chiharu Fukunaga close of day the barrage of questions Hiroshi Taoka

	Translators' comments: This is a journalistic verse typical of a full-scale renku sequence. The style of linkage employed is oftern referred to as 'transfer': the 'flow' of one becoming the 'flux' of another.
	Poem Five shungiku no (5) goma-ae noseta (7) shiroi sara (5)
	the evening rain in reminiscence-- my back feels wet thinning watercolors with Perrier spring vege-greens tossed in sesame dressing on a white plate	the evening rain in reminiscence-- Kifu Futagami thinning watercolors Chiharu Fukunaga close of day the barrage of questions Kimiyasu Nakamura

	Judge's comments: This verse is nice in causing the impression of two preceding verses to move from something dark relating to the past to something right there, something light in the present time.
	Poem Six netsu motanu (5) kabe o hedatete (7) miru mori yo (5)
	the evening rain in reminiscence-- my back feels wet thinning watercolors with Perrier the other side of this unwarmed wall ah, the forest view	the evening rain in reminiscence-- Kifu Futagami thinning watercolors Chiharu Fukunaga close of day the barrage of questions Mai Hattori

	Judge's comments: I was attracted to the sensitiviy of this surreal verse. So, the protagonist of the linking verse is now attempting to sketch/paint a forest he/she is seeing beyond the 'wall without temperature'. We should not take this forest as the poet's imaginary landscape, because then it touches uchikoshi. Instead I took this forest as being of the real world; the poet is using all his/her senses, not just eye-sight, to grasp it. This verse is not returning to reminescense, but is taking us to a new place. The phrase, 'netsu motanu' (not having heat), provides a good link with Perrier and its cold glass-bottle.
	Prinicipal Judge: K. Futagami All translations: E. Yachimoto and J. Carley